The Complete Guide To Finding The Perfect Woman At Recess

Ahh yes. The mystery of Woman. Hear her roar.

Us mortal men have asked the same pressing questions for centuries: What does she want? What does she mean? Why is she: [doing this] [saying that] [acting weird] [eating so much] [not eating anything] with me?

My futile attempt to search for the answers may humour most women. Apparently they humour easily when us men (they actually refer to us as “boys”) – try to come up with the right answer*

* MAN NOTE: When she gives you a multiple choice question, always choose “Secret Option C.”

Example: She asks “Do you think my friend Stacy is attractive?” Loaded question, right? Your response choices:

A) Umm, yes (leading her to think various things, resulting in her calling you a pig for liking her friends)

B) Umm, no (leading her to think various things, resulting in her calling you insensitive for not liking her friends)

SECRET OPTION C) Because the correct answer doesn’t exist.

You’ll NEVER fully figure them out during recess. Or lunch, or after school for that matter. But if you’re a man seeking truth and wisdom into the minds and hearts of the superior species, let this guide help:

  1. BE NICE. Help her out. If she misplaces her baton or loses her glasses, pick them up and offer assistance.
  2. BE FUNNY. If you have a knack for jokes, make her laugh. Every Frufie likes a guy with a sense of humor. If you suck at jokes, skip this one. Because she’ll be laughing AT you, not with you.
  3. BE SUPPORTIVE. Encourage her when she’s scared and you’ll win her heart every time.
  4. BE SMART. You don’t need to know every answer to Jeopardy. But learn a thing or two about Science. Because it’s all about chemistry.
  5. BE PLAYFUL. Stop being so serious all the time and let loose. Show you have a youthful side. Play games like “Hot Potato” and “Stella Ella Olla” with the others and you might get the “awwww” card.
  6. BE A MAN. There’s a time for sensitivity. And there’s a time to stand tall. So every now and then show off your masculine prowess and swing on the monkey bars. They like that.

There are more secret techniques. But put these few to work immediately at recess and you’ll find your perfect mate. I think… Please tweet me at @ShawnByfield with your feedback. Good luck!

– Shawn B

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