The Case Of The Missing Granny Panties

Shawn here. I was MORTIFIED yesterday. Why?

Because I found a pair of “granny panties” in my laundry!

Gross… But before I tell you the story, a few people were asking about Holiday dance gifts for your peeps. Click that link, or this image below for info:

Holiday gift ideas Toronto

I’ll get back to the holiday gift stuff later…

Yesterday was laundry day. We live in a 23 story building in Toronto, and I’d say about 60% of residents are retired. Not because they’re millionaires. Because they’re elderly.

Now. We have a shared laundry room in the basement. At some point, and I still don’t know when- the unthinkable happened.

I’m grossed out telling you this…

As I’m folding my so fresh and so clean, clean laundry, I notice a shiny white article of clothing. “What’s this?” I think.

I’m home alone. And I pull it out…

Is it not an extra-large pair of USED, silk grandma pants! Ewww! And yes, they were not as “white” as when first purchased, that’s for sure.

I screamed like a school girl and threw them on the floor. I was NOT happy. Then I screamed again, picked them OFF the floor, and threw ’em out.

What? Like I was gonna bring them back downstairs and try to find the old lady who owns them? Nah son, homie don’t play dat.

We live on the 23rd floor…

Imagine standing in the elevator with a pair of some old lady’s knickers… and somebody gets on before I reach the bottom.


Anyway, it wasn’t pleasant. That’s my sad story.

So before you fall asleep reading this, the adult dance gift page is up and running. You can get a bunch of dance passes for your peeps. The best part is, I did some hand-drawn doodles (see top of page)…

…and it’ll make you much happier than finding dirty old lady panties:

Here’s to a happy season. I think I’m gonna vomit now.

– Shawn B

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PS: I’d suggest going to that page now and getting everyone you know a dance pass. Cause you never know. One day they may find a pair of YOUR undies…

…But if they do, they’ll just say “Don’t worry about it. Remember when you got me that dance pass? Totally makes up for this awkward moment.”

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Published by ShawnByfield

Shawn Byfield is a certified public speaker, expert dance coach and entrepreneur. A National authority in dance and veteran in entertainment, film and fashion. Byfield is a DORA AWARD winning choreographer, GEMINI AWARD nominee, and 2x BLACK CANADIANS AWARD nominee. Shawn Byfield loves to travel nationally as an inspiring mentor, adjudicator, public speaker and choreographer.

2 thoughts on “The Case Of The Missing Granny Panties

  1. Thanks for the love Pat! Random laundry is never fun for anyone.

    And no plans to tap in Pickering yet. But if you’re in the city you know I’ll take care of ya!

    – SB

  2. My friend found a really sexy pair of women’s thong underwear in her laundry basket and immediately asked her husband who’s they were. He got really upset and said he had no idea and stormed out.

    We assumed later that they must have been a stray left over in the dryer of their apt. building laundry room, much like those spare socks that stick to the side of the dryer hiding on you and always leaving you with a single sock after each load.

    Oh, and thanks for the smile Shawn. Missing my tap Skool, any chance you have any classes in Pickering??


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